[ Jake lowers his arm with a heaving sigh and truly impressive eyeroll (for a dog, anyway). ]

So lemme get this straight, you're telling me that you literally ran away from me saying thank you and then rushed back to tell me all the messed up stuff you've done, for what? What's the goal, homie? 'Cuz f you aren't looking to get cracked over my knee, I'm not sure I follow your logic.