Grass Finn Bullshit

[doooooog]

"Finn!" Jake cupped a hand beside his mouth, the other six or seven busy putting away their haul from the Bargain Kingdom (a store, not a government, for once). A ninth hand sprouted to gently retrieve the vuvuzela from where BMO was absconding with it. "You hungry, buddy? They had a huge special on boar meat, I'm thinkin' sloppy joes!"

"THEY LEFT!" Neptr chimed in, sullenly, from his perch on the stair. "FATHER AND GRASS FATHER. NOT NEPTR."

"Oh yeah. Well, don't sweat it Neptr, that chicken coop is the kinda thing that changes a man. Better to skip it."

"NOT A CHICKEN COOP, A DUNGEON ADVENTURE."

Jake's coordinated dance of arms flagged for a moment, doubt curling in his gut. The prickle of concern was followed immediately by guilt. What the hell was he worried about? Two Finns were better than one. He could stand to cut Fern a break, even in his own thoughts.

"Welp, you can help me on a culinary adventure if you want." Jake's gaze dances from the meat to Neptr. "Whaddya think about Sloppy Joe Pies? Has a nice ring to it..."

---

The sun was slung low in the sky by the time Jake heard the familiar sound of Finn's return up the treehouse steps. Alongside the involuntary prick of his ears, the dog feels a smile start to spread. No matter how capable the kid (teenager) had become over the last decade, Jake was pretty sure he'd never lose the sense of relief that came over him when Finn came home safe.

Lately, lingering misgivings aside, those feelings were starting to blossom towards Fern as well.

"Hey boys!" Jake lets the smile grow to a grin, craning his neck over the arm of the couch. "Y'all have fun out there?"

Jake felt suddenly cold, as if some cosmic entity had reached its hand down and pinched out the contented flame and safety of home. His voice lost its usual buoyancy, standing up from the couch.

"Wait, what happened?"

Finn said nothing, standing there looking as if he'd been through a woodchipper. Blades of grass clung to his hair, his clothes, even stuck to the razor sharp line of blood at his exposed stomach.

"I know that look!" BMO chimed in, sounding pleased to be the one with the answer to Jake's question. Neither the boy or the dog seemed to hear him in that moment. "You just killed someone."

Comments

[heroooic]

Finn’s frown only deepened, unamused, Jake’s joke bouncing hard off of him.

“I’d like to be sleeping in a real bed.” Finn didn’t really have any qualms about sleeping on Jake’s back, wrapped up in a blanket made of his body, but it was the principle. He didn’t like how they’d left, and he didn’t like that Jake was brushing it all aside with jokes. Or trying to.

[doooooog]

"A real bed, huh?" He asks, voice casual, even as a four poster grows up around Finn, complete with little 'chocolates' on the pillow next to where Finn lay. "Howzat?"

[heroooic]

“It kinda sucks!” Finn punches the ‘pillow’ hard, for all that he knew he might as well be punching a building. A big, soft building.

[doooooog]

Face turned front, Finn would miss the way Jake's expression darkens in irritation. He wouldn't miss how the bed gave way to nothing, reducing until Finn was sitting on nothing but smooth dog back.

"Fine, you can freeze up there, then. See if I care."

[heroooic]

Finn growls, frustrated. Jake could really be an immovable wall, both inside and out. He wanted to threaten to walk home himself, run over and jump right off him. But then Jake would just catch him, so he didn’t hurt himself. He didn’t want Jake taking care of him right now, putting on his Older Brother hat and making all the decisions.

“What was the point of all this?” The question was direct, pointed. Dripping with frustration and accusation. Finn glares at the back of Jake’s head, waiting for him to answer.

[doooooog]

For a moment, it seems like Jake isn't going to answer at all.

Then: "The point of what?"

[heroooic]

"Coming all the way out here!" Finn raises his arms in a broad gesture, letting them fall again with a huff. "I thought you wanted to, like, make some new memories like you guys had with dad and, and..."

Finn looks around, searching for his words, mouth pressed in a thin line. His shoulders slump a little, rubbing his face roughly.

"I know that's not what it was really about. You were trying to get my mind off stuff...right?"

[doooooog]

Silence reigned again. Jake found himself extremely grateful for their positioning. He didn't have to see the look of disappointment that no doubt colored Finn's face. And, maybe even more importantly, Finn didn't have to see his.

"Can't it be both?" He asks, earnestly, and still with a feeble stab at good humor. That rumbling jokey tone didn't last, dying in the space of Jake's sigh. "This didn't go how I wanted it to go, alright? Sometimes, that's just how it is."

There was a pause after that, loaded with unspoken words on the tip of Jake's tongue.

"Maybe I should've let you stay, I dunno, man. It didn't occur to me that you'd want to."

[heroooic]

Finn's expression was a little pained for a moment, juggling his feelings of love and trust with frustration and confusion.

"I love you Jake, but...Jermaine's our bro too. The way we left things was pretty messed up."

Finn looks down, absently grasping at handfuls of Jake's fur, the yellow hair poking between his knuckles. It was a thing he used to do a lot as a child, riding around on Jake's back, off to some new adventure.

"I don't even know if I wanted to stay...it was pretty weird in there. But you didn't have to decide for both of us like that."

Finn's tone took on a slightly embarassed tone. He felt strange pointing these things out.

[doooooog]

It was a weird sensation, having so much wisdom dropped on him from his baby brother. Emphasis on baby, at least that's what it felt like some days. Things were a lot easier back then, when Finn was small and easily corralled into whatever box Jake needed him in. Entertainment, pet, excuse to talk to girls, hero, best friend... If there was one thing you could say about Finn The Human, it's that he always gave it his best. Even when he was too young to know why.

Jake couldn't be sure if that went both ways or not. Right now? It felt... not.

"Look, I didn't..." He could feel the defensiveness in his tone, twisting his words up and making them aggressive and ugly. Jake takes a pause, letting that moment pass through him. When he speaks again, there's an uneven patience to it. "He said some stuff I didn't agree with. And I guess I must've said some stuff he didn't agree with, considering he totally jumped me."

Their pace seemed to flag a little as Jake focused on his words.

"Grown-ups don't always have all the answers, Finn. We sometimes think we do, but that gets pretty complicated when two of 'em reach different conclusions."

[heroooic]

It was the kind of open-ended, inconclusive answer that made Finn want to jump off a cliff. In part because he knew that it was the truth, and there really wasn’t an easier answer. He breathes in through his nose, out through his mouth with a sigh.

“What were you guys even fighting about?” Finn crawls further up Jake’s back, sitting closer to his head. It was a loaded question, for how innocently delivered it was.

[doooooog]

"Uh..." Jake's eyes dart skyward as if seeking divine intervention, mouth continuing to drone out that one syllable. The hotel, the beach, you, Dad, Jermaine, you, the tea, you-- "Me."

He clears his throat, silence only broken up from the soft thud of his feet and the squawk of a passing night bird.

"I did some stuff he didn't like and he was letting me know about 'em. You know how hard my head is, guess he figured he'd have better luck banging it into me. Heh..."

[heroooic]

It wasn’t convincing. Jake and Jermaine had been fighting for as long as Finn could remember, and often about something Jake was doing. Jermaine could be particularly prickly about the words and actions of his older brother. It just didn’t ring true to Finn’s experience that an argument they’d had a dozen times before would lead to such a nasty fight and abrupt exit.

He leans forward, resting his chin on his hand, trying to decide if this was one of those things that Jake just wanted him to let go. Trying to decide if it was one of those things he wanted to let go.

“I’m sorry I kinda had a melt-down back there…it probably didn’t help.”

[doooooog]

The tone in Finn's voice alongside the apology makes Jake swallow, a soft whine escaping his throat. The wall he'd erected between Finn and the complicated, unpleasant truth was thinner than ever, threatening to split open any moment now. Inexplicably, Jake found his thoughts going to his Mom. She always knew what to say... he used to think he did, too. Lately, not so much.

"It's okay, brother. You're just going through it right now. Us worrying about you isn't your fault, it's... it's basically biological, y'know?" He takes a breath, knowing what he needs to say next and still dreading it all the same. "I donked up, Finn. You're your own man now... putting you on the spot like that and making you leave with me? That wasn't right."

He turns his head, hoping to sell the point through eye contact. Jake looks... tired, and sad, but sincere too. "We're long past the days of me getting the final say on everything, and I gotta start remembering that. I'm really sorry, bro."

[heroooic]

Finn had desperately wanted to hear just that sentiment, but now that he had, it was bittersweet. An acknowledgement that even Jake knew that Finn was old enough to be making his own choices, even if those didn’t always align with his. It makes his heart ache with some kind of…loss.

“It’s alright…I probably would’ve come with you anyway.” Finn pats Jake’s back in a half-hearted act of reassurance. “I know you’re just looking out for me. You both are, just, in your own way.”

He didn’t want to forget Jermaine in all this…it was easy to, he somewhat guiltily acknowledges. So much of their life was the two of them, with Jermaine a hundreds miles away doing his own thing. Maybe he just needed more credit for how much he cared too.

[doooooog]

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we both can't be dingwads about it, too."

Turning his head back to face front, Jake pauses at the sight of the sun starting to rise over the Ice Kingdom mountains in the distance. It would be fully morning when they arrived home -- not ideal -- but home was certainly close now. That was something to look forward to. It also served as a reminder.

They wouldn't have much more time like this; the two of them alone, in the dark. Vulnerable. Jake clears his throat.

"Permission to activate Real Talk, Finn?"

[heroooic]

Finn raises his eyebrows, not sure sure where this was going.

“Permission granted.”

[doooooog]

Jake could practically hear Jermaine's voice thudding around inside his head, like the world's worst game of pong. Locked up tighter than a safe... only if it's not too serious, right?... turned him into dad...

Deep breath; in through the mouth, out through the nose in a cool stream. Lady taught him that trick a while ago. After four or five times, Jake found his head blessedly clear. It wouldn't last, but it would at least get him started.

"Why are you afraid to tell me the whole story about what happened between you and Fern?" He asks, voice careful. He didn't want to sound hurt. More guilt was the last thing Finn needed. "Are you worried about how I'll react or... that I'll think less of you?" He pauses. "Either of you?"

[heroooic]

Finn freezes, the question striking right at the heart of something he was trying very hard to bury. They hadn’t really talked about anything that happened with Fern past that first day. Finn wanted to put it behind him, and Jake didn’t press him on it. It felt like…the details didn’t matter. Jake knew what he needed to know. Didn’t he?

“Wh…no,” Finn’s voice wavered uncertainly. His whole body was tense and he shifts position uncomfortably. “I didn’t want you to be worried that’s all…”

Was that all?

[doooooog]

Didn't want him to be worried? Jake can't quite help it, he laughs -- thin, reedy, and kind of tired, but a laugh all the same.

"Uh, look. Not to blow your mind or anything, but I think that ship has sailed." He turns again, eyes finding Finn's as his pace slows. "We're family, buddy. You've got some big stuff going on with you, of course I'm gonna be worried. It's not your job to protect me from that."

He chews the inside of his cheek, their pace slowing further until the stillness of the night suddenly stood motionless all around them. Jake's face was now twisted to face Finn completely, the two of them standing still in the middle of a birch forest. The trees were tall here, skimming Jake's underbelly.

"If I ever made you feel like it was your job, then that sucks and I hate it." His eyes softened, Jermaine's words still bouncing round his head unpleasantly. "Kinda a dillweed move."

[heroooic]

Finn looks back at him for a moment, a dozen thoughts rifling past. The stillness around them was enveloping, adding heft to the moment, making it feel like the rest of the world was asleep, or simply didn’t exist. His gaze wavers, down and away from Jake’s face.

“Yeah, I know…” He puts a hand on his head, shrugging a little, his discomfort plain. There were so many things that they could talk about with no problem…Finn talked to him about most things big and small in his life. He didn’t understand why this one thing was so hard. “Things got really bad out there, and I…didn’t think you would want to know.”

That was neither fair, nor accurate, and he realizes it immediately. Finn’s expression contorts into a self-annoyed frown, hand on his head closing to a fist.

“No, I guess I didn’t want you to know.”

[doooooog]

See, Jermaine, some part of Jake's subconscious shouted, frustrated. See what happens when you push too hard!? He's all messed up about it!

The limitations of his current form were getting frustrating. He wanted arms, wanted to sit with Finn and be within reach in a real way, not just fur and skin. After a few moments of thought, Jake's head became simply... Jake. You might not be able to tell he was just an offshoot of a much larger body, except for how he always seemed to have one foot on the ground. Sitting down next to Finn, he wraps an arm around him gingerly.

"You don't owe me the story, pal." He says, voice careful. "I'm just sayin' that I'm here to talk to, if you want some company all up in that stressdome of yours."

He seals the thought with two light knocks against Finn's noggin. Another of his patented tension breakers, sure, but Jake couldn't help it. It wasn't his nature to watch Finn squirm.

[heroooic]

Finn bats his hand away with a disgruntled ‘stop it’, but there was a barely concealed smile on his face too. He was glad Jake had chosen to make a regular sized offshoot of himself. It was comforting and familiar, especially in vulnerable moments like these. He leans into him a little, shoulder pressing against him.

He sits quietly for a long moment, the cool night air and quiet all around them. It was as calm and safe as he’d felt in weeks. He could feel the air in his chest, letting his breath slow. Sleep would come so easy now, he was sure. But there was something he needed to say, that he had to tell him.

“I think ki-“ His voice falters mid word, unable to speak it. It felt like he was choking whenever he tried to get his mouth around it. Geez. “When…what happened, with Fern. I think it uh, threw off my game real bad. I couldn’t finish that monster today. Like, I really couldn’t do it, Jake.”

[doooooog]

For a while, Jake thought Finn might actually fall asleep against him. He wasn't necessarily looking forward to walking the rest of the way home at this awkward angle, but there were worse things. For example, dislodging his baby bro midnap. He stretches an arm over him, rubbing his back with easy affection.

Jake was midway through planning the logistics of the rest of the trip home when Finn spoke, recapturing his direct attention. The hand against him stalled mid-pet, only to quickly resume as Finn began talking. Far be it from him to give Finn the impression his honesty was going to disrupt those small comforts, especially when he seemed to need them most.

Even if that honesty scared the crap out of Jake.

"Yeah?" He asks, trying to sound more casual than he felt. "Well, we can fix that, dude. This is the first fight you've been in since Fern, it's natchy being stressed out. What went through your mind when you were up there?"

[heroooic]

Finn bites his lip, feeling the tension rising in his body at that question. Feeling it in his chest and shoulders, rising up like a bad meal from a miserable place in his stomach. Even in the cold air he felt like he was getting hot again, sweat prickling his brow.

Thinking about what he’d been thinking, at that crucial moment felt like tempting a dangerous spiral. What if he couldn’t get back out? “It was like…someone was begging me not to do it.”